Marriage Preparation

These guidelines may seem “unjust” but they are there to help the couple understand that they are entering a state that will affect the rest of their lives. Half of the marriages in the United States are ending in divorce. One main reason is the couples thank they know better than God. Marriage is a gift from God. He sets the rules. Couples violate them at their own peril.

All couples to be married here at St. Mary’s must receive a certain amount of marriage preparation. One of the programs of the Archdiocese must be taken. Factors as age, maturity, practice of faith, and co-habitation will also be taken into consideration in the final decision.

A couple must contact Fr. Tom Lijewski or Fr. Patrick Wendt at least 6 months in advance of the tentative date of the marriage. This is minimum time. You are a long time married and a long time buried; prepare well for both. This eliminates sudden decisions and hasty judgments. It also gives people time to prepare spiritually and psychologically. If a person does not know that he/she will be married in six months, something is very wrong.

The common policy for the State of Wisconsin says: “Every effort should be made to discourage a marriage if either party is not yet nineteen years old”. Practically this means no high school students. Marriage demands maturity, psychological maturity. Marriages are being annulled on this basis.

A pregnancy is not sufficient reason for getting married. It complicates matters intensely and a pregnancy, along with young age, is the main reason for annulling marriages. “Pregnancy of itself will not be considered the determining factor in proceeding or with delaying the marriage.” Nor is it a reason for omitting the normal preparation process.

When one party is non-Catholic, instruction concerning the duties and faith of the Catholic party is required. The purpose of this is to secure communication and harmony in the religious aspects of marriage. Yes, the Catholic must promise to baptize and raise the children as Catholics. Couples who decide never to have children should not marry. Marriage includes the blessings and the gift of children from God. Do not try to fool God or “Mother Nature.”

If one or both parties are not practicing their faith, additional instructions will be given. If a Catholic person is lapsed (fallen away) and entering an interfaith marriage, a Catholic marriage will not be encouraged. Sacraments are for people who take their faith seriously. They are not rituals for the non-practicing. Couples in this situation will be asked to postpone their wedding until their faith-life matches what the Church expects. A current Baptismal and Confirmation certificate is required.

The wedding will be planned and celebrated in an atmosphere that is both Catholic and Christian. The readings, music, choice of ceremony, and liturgy are of special interest since they strongly indicate the attitude of the couple toward the Church and sacrament of Marriage. No secular music or ceremonies will be allowed.

Please call and speak with Fr. Tom Lijewski or Fr. Patrick Wendt if you have any questions or concerns regarding this information.